edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summer Rain World without a breeze, heartbeat of the heat above the harbor; Lazy day lies dazed upon the shelf. Atomic lizards lick at the blaze of the light that is forever. No move in the solid skies, no gleaming metal out of the breathtaking blue.... My golden circus girls all sailed away, the lion tamers are no longer due to play, whoever breaks the seven seals and lets the angry angles free, I do not know, just waiting here. For summer rain, for summer rain, or anything else... It�s been raining for the past 3 days here. The air is thick with humidity. I like it though. Last night after a movie, it felt good to walk out into the hot moist night air. This evening I sat out side in the cool of the evening and talked to my old friend Burns on the phone for over an hour. We figured out that we�d not spoken since December. That�s too long for friends such as us. Burns and I were neighbors in college. We�ve been through it all, co-misery, joy, pain, good times, and the bad. Toast has said many times, I need to fall in love with Burns. Maybe, but I don�t think it would ever happen or work. I�m just glad that he is my friend, and that he understands and knows me so well. I am at peace as well. Not just because of my conversation with Burns, but I let go, I ceased to be angry. I let go of Lev. It was hard, but a release. I�m not mad anymore. There is no hate in me anymore. I�ve left a place to forgive, and that will come in time. But I am resolved, and it feels good. My life is ahead of me. Where the path is to go, I do not know. But, I am looking forward to being on it, even if it�s alone for awhile. I realized that I am a good person. I have a lot to give, and I have done good in this world for people, and will continue to do so. Someone told me today, I looked beautiful, inside and out. It was nice to hear that. Tomorrow is school. The start of week 6. Can time have gone so fast already? Some days I still can't believe that I am a school teacher. I watch the western sky the sun is sinking, the geese are flying south it sets me thinking. I did not miss you much, I did not suffer, what did not kill me, just made me tougher... The moon's a fingernail, and slowly sinking. Another day begins, and now I'm thinking that this indifference was my invention. When everything I did sought your attention. You were my compass star, you were my measure, you were a pirate's map of buried treasure. If this was all correct, the last thing I'd expect, the prosecution rests, it's time that I confessed...I must have loved you. 8:39 p.m. - September 08, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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