edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lazarus Heart We�re wasting time in the coming and going, losing time in the coming and going. I hold my hand in the air. Tune drifts thru my mind, tune that isn�t my kind. I hear a voice and it�s speaking to me, I have sung one too many songs for a crowd that didn�t want to hear... Today was better. I don�t know what it is with me. I have these meltdowns, and then I�m fine. Yesterday was a combination of all the factors of my life. Cosmic collision! I just cried it all out, all of it. Well at least I�m relatively better today. I tried to remember the last time I was in this much emotional stress; it was 5 years ago in college. A guy named Jason, broke my heart -- my first big love, my first big loss. Back then I was much worse that I am now, a lot of water has passed under my bridge, I�ve grown up tremendously. I remembered, eventually the pain subsided and I met new friends, new men that restored my confidence in dating and relationships. This is my current hope. I looked down at my arms tonight and noticed I have hives. Hives all over my body. Lovely. I�ve dropped a size since my birthday in July � 20 lbs since the beginning of the year. Yes, boys and girls, it�s the AMAZING Eden All Stress Weight Loss Program! It will melt those pounds, bring out your insecurities, make you mad as a fire ant, sad a weeping willow, and numb as a comatose heroin addict � all in the same day, heck, why not the same hour! Actually, I�ve found that my new walking regime is very helpful. I just walk, and walk and get it all out, tonight I walked 2 miles. My friend that goes with me is very nice as well. We just talk and talk. Ironically, when I first met her I thought she was the biggest goody-two shoes type girl. She felt similarly about me. It turns out we are alike in many ways, and have many of the same opinions about life in general. I�m glad that we�re friends. And because we are friends, she has agreed with to go with me to the Meet & Greet down at the church tomorrow night. Oh heaven help me, I am back in the pool! He looked beneath his shirt today, there was a wound in his flesh so deep and wide. From the wound a lovely flower grew, from somewhere deep inside. He turned around to face his mother, to show her the wound in his breast that burned like a brand. But the sword that cut him open was the sword in his mother�s hand. Though the sword was his protection, the wound itself would give him power, the power to remake himself at the time of his darkest hour. She said the wound would give him courage and pain, the kind of pain that you can�t hide. From the wound a lovely flower grew, from somewhere deep inside. Every day another miracle, only death will keep us apart, to sacrifice a life for yours, I�d be the blood of a Lazarus heart. 10:38 p.m. - September 04, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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