edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In my own defense.... Some one left a rather rude entry in my guestbook regarding my previous entry. �Me� claims that I should be the one to leave well enough alone with my break up with Mr. Levski. First of all �Me� thanks for leaving your name, and a way to contact you. I have no idea who you are, I think I might know, but I�m not sure. But you know if you want to talk about it, or accuse me more, please feel free to email me, if you know my phone number, do call. I�d much rather do it in a more private setting. I�m sorry that you feel I am being petty and jealous. I know that Mr. Levski deserves happiness. We all do, and I want that for him. And yes, I AM JEALOUS!! I want to be where "she" is. I want to be the one spending time with him. I want to be the one at his side, sharing his thoughts. THAT IS WHERE I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS GOING!! NOW IT�S GONE, AND I HAVE TO GO FIND IT AGAIN!! Dear �Me� please email me, and I will tell you my side of the story, how I've waited so long for a person like him and had to wade thorough so many bad relationships to be so happy. These are the parts that I don�t tell in Diaryland. I�ve never had a relationship so good, nor have I been so happy as with Mr. Levski. He was and is a good man. Of course I am feeling the way I am. I am human, no more no less. I have never tried to be anything different. I have feelings, and very deep emotions. Love is a powerful thing, and the love I had for and with my friend was very powerful. To be told one day that you are no longer loved in that manner is quite difficult to bear. It brings back old insecurities, and frustrations and fears. How am I supposed to feel knowing that I am no longer the focus in his life? How am I supposed to feel knowing that I�ve fallen from grace? How am I supposed to feel knowing that someone else is there instead of me? I am again, facing my biggest fear, being alone. How would you feel? Right now I am trying to figure out what I did wrong, where was my fault, where could I have done better. I am racked with guilt and pain! You don�t know the intimate details of our conversations, you don�t know what we�ve said to each other, the promises made, the dreams planed. How can you say to me leave well enough alone? Who are you? Do you know me? If you don�t like what I write �Me� then don�t read my page. And if you want to comment in my guestbook, then leave your name. I know that one day, I�ll be able to look back on this with a good humor. But for now, my emotions are running high.... I�m sorry if I come off as petty and jealous. I am because I�ve lost the most important thing in my life. I think this is the last I'll write of Mr. Levski, because I know he reads this page, and I think I've said too much and shared to many personal things already. I just realized that I need to keep some of my thoughts to myself.... 12:03 a.m. - August 24, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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