edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did June Cleaver feel like this? I drive about 30 miles to my job at the Country-Bumpkin High School. The time I spend driving gives me a lot of time to think. Today, while driving south ward, I saw a crop duster. He was making long low passes over a soy-bean field. I wondered if he liked his job. Then I wondered if I�ll like my job. Yesterday while lunching with several coworkers, I was told how much I would hate my first year of teaching. Then I was told that I�d probably hate my second year of teaching as well. Thanks. That really gave me the boost of confidence I needed. I don�t know. I�m glad to be a teacher. Over this past week, I�ve come to the realization that I am the one calling the shots, and I can do things my own way. I�ve never quite had this much latitude in a job before. I�m not quite sure how to deal with it. It�s like a toddler discovering that he does not have to hang on to something, but can walk across the room alone. I am that toddler. I know what I want out of my teaching, I know what I want to have happen, I just have to put into writing and practice. We�re having a community open house tonight. I don�t know if I�ll meet any of my students, I don�t know who will be coming. But this is the part that I�m never good at. Well I�m good at putting on a party face and smiling, and playing the part of the good hostess, but inside, I�ll be a mess. It�s not that I want to pander to the people I meet, but I want to make the right impression. These people are sending their kids to me, to be taught. I see it as a very great responsibility, and nothing to be taken lightly. I have a certificate from the State saying that I am qualified to teach. I have a diploma that says the same thing. Why do I feel so unprepared? Why do I feel the same way I felt on the first day of 7th grade? I am not by nature a shy person, but I feel like running away from the future that I must face here in the next few days. But at the same time, I look at my classroom and the things that I have prepared and I feel a great sense of accomplishment. Despite all of my reservations and nerves, I do feel an incredible sense of peace and calm. I know there are many who have supported me in this endeavor and who continue to support me. I am humbled by their concern for me. Three days to go, till the first day of school. The first day is the day I�ll only get once. My first, first day is a day I�ll only have once. Here I go. Did June Cleaver feel like this when she had company over? 1:38 p.m. - August 01, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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