edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My horoscope and a few other things Yesterday my horoscope said the following: Cancer (June 21-July 22). Till the end of your days you will require more down time than most people. You'll always vacillate erratically between hiding your feelings and revealing them too freely. You'll worry too much and carry stress in your belly and judge yourself too harshly and periodically isolate yourself from the nourishing sources you need then most. How do they know me!! I want to know. I swear! Sometimes those Horrorscopes are right on, and especially the above. I have been mulling over my feelings, and if I should reveal them. I have finally come to peace with what I need to do. I wrote Thursday a note and told him how I feel. I don't know if I'm going to give it to him, or just tell him what it contains. The point is that I was finally able to express what I've been feeling. It's a huge load off my mind. We'll see how he reacts. I don't care one way or the other (well I do, to some extent), but at least I'll know and be able to get on with my life. Have I been hiding out from the people that need me? Yes I have. I've mentioned it before, but I have a very old friend named Buttercup, (yes that's what we call her--HMS Pinafore in high school leaves everyone with silly nick-names). Anyway, I've been busy, not in the best of health (mental and physical) and consumed with family things for the past few months. She is irritated with me that I don't respond to her emails, and phone calls as much as I used to. So, when she does contact me, she usually includes some sarcastic remark about my lack of friendship as of late. These comments hurt, words hurt folks, they are stronger than we think. Finally I told her that she was hurting my feelings with these verbal barbs. Her response was that I shouldn't be so sensitive, and that she was sick of my excuses and that I should call when I'm "not so busy." I don't know what to do. Part of me is relieved and part of me sorrows. We've been friends for so long, over 10 years, and I don't want our friendship to fall by the wayside because of a few disagreements and foolish words. I have retreated into my own problems as of late. Am I wrong in that? Am I wrong to want to separate myself from the people, who are good friends, but drain me? But if I want to keep this friend, it's in my hands on how to proceed and I don't know what to do� Today, someone was laid off here at my company. It was the girl who was hired to replace me. She's been with us for some time now, doing other work. But when I looked up and saw her in the Big Guy's office I knew immediately what was happening. I know how she feels, the same thing happened to me last year. One minute you are all happy and comfortable in your situation and with in a matter of minutes it all changes. She, naturally, was crying when she left. All I could do was watch her gather her things and leave. She's probably at home crying into her pillow thinking terrible thoughts about herself. I feel bad, I wanted to scream at my boss for making her feel that way. This entry has been so sad, so to end on a good note, did ya here the story about the lady with lobsters in her car? Apparently she was caught speeding and had a bunch of lobsters in the back seat of her car. I swear some people will do the craziest things for attention. Today is November 16, 2001, there are 45 days left in the year. Today, my favorite musical, The Sound of Music debuted on Broadway. Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up in string, these are a few of my favorite things�" I'll simply remember my favorite things and then I won't feel so bad! 1:48 a.m. - November 16, 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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