edensgarden's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another open Letter to B. So, Mr. B is sending me a letter in response to my pleas to patch things up. He said it was going to be "cold and prickely" as opposed to "warm and fuzzy". Fine I deserve it, I am a WRETCHED person! I was going to write myself a letter of what I thought he might say, but then I though, he knows about me here on Diaryland, and if I write what I *think* he is going to say, then I really would be as wretched as he thinks I really am. So I'm not going to, just to keep this as above the belt as possible. Mr. B. I just want to say, I thought I was numb concerning this whole situation. I was, because I had not heard from you for a while. That was ok, you are moving and I know that this is stressful time for you. But then you wrote me an email today, and I was in a spin. All of the emotions that I've tried to put away came back. I guess, I put on a good face, because when it really comes to emotions, I am terrible. I DON'T know what I'm doing, I am reckless, I am shallow. So, what ever you say to me, I know I deserve. I lit the match, that started the fire, that burned this bridge. Who am I to think that I could put the fire out? Who am I to think that I could play with your heart and throw it away? I don't know you, I thought I did. Hell, I thought I knew myself. I was wrong. You know you are putting me through torture waiting for this letter to come. I have no patience, as you are well aware. I'll be a sullen mess of preson for the next three days. But, this is as it should be. You are a good person, and good people, don't email that they are breaking up. Like I said yesterday, reciprocity is a word to live by. I get what I give. I gave heartache, I deserve heartache right back. I know that you won't want anything more to do with me, I wouldn't be surprized. Of course, then the real sadness will come. Oh why did I fall in love with you? Why did you tell me things I'd always wanted to hear? Why couldn't you say them to my face? Am I sounding like a spoiled 2 year old? I feel like one. I'm the kid who just was told, "no treats in the check out line at the store", and is now howling in protest. So, I'll wait for your letter, I wish we could talk face to face. I wish a lot of things that never happen. I want to be 2 again. 2:26 p.m. - 2001-08-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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